Category: Parent Talk
Hi all! I am about to have my first child, and I had a question. I am totally blind and will be a single parent. I have heard some people say that Child Protective Services sometimes gives people with disabilities problems because they believe that blind people and people with disabilities are incapable of taking care of a baby. I was wondering if any one here has had these types of problems? If you did, what did you do about it? I was also told that, at the hospital where I will be having the baby, they send a social worker to check on every disabled parent to see if they are capable, and some people get their children taken away. What are everyone's thoughts and experiences on this subject?
Thank you.
Misty
Well, first of all, the hospital cannot, I repete, cannot send someone to "Check up" on you and your baby unless you give permission. They can not send a social worker, from the hospital or from an outside agency with out just cause and you are perfectly within your rights to refuse to talk to them or allow them into your home. However I would suggest talking to them on the phone at least and calling upon the proper agencies if you do need help, but not allowing forced visits from a social worker from the hospital, as they are not mandated for all parents, just for disabled parents, which is unacceptable. If it is enough of a concern then look into switching hospitals. You should always research your Obstitrition/Gynocologist, your baby's future pidiatrition and your healthcare coverage and options fully and that includes researching and selecting the best hospital for you in terms of their practices and policies. I would highly reccomend reading many many books, watching videos and dvds on childcare, pregnancy and birth, doing internet research and taking parenting classes, (most hospitals offer them), so that if anyone does try to question your fittness as a blind single parent you can throw all of these books and classes into their face and have a little protection on that front. Not to mention, it will make you much more prepared overall. If your current O B G Y N is not one hundred percent comfortable with you and confident in you, drop them and get another. If your hospital will give you a hard time then pick another hospital. I'll tell you a short story. My mother, who is blind, used to work at the Regional Center for Independent Living as an Independent Living Skills Teacher and she designed and taught many courses to people with all sorts of disabilities on finances, finding a job, taking care of a home, personal organization and a lot more. When she had me the people at the hospital kept badgering her to look for some "help" someone who could help her figure out how to raise a child. She told them time and time again that she did not need any such help, that she had read many books and attended many classes on childcare and infantcare and that she had babysat for many children and tiny infants. They kept at it and she finally relented and told them that if it would make them feel better they could contact an agency and get her some information or the contact info for someone who could "help" her. The nurse called her back, very ashamed only to say "Bernice, I'm really sorry. I called RCIL and they listened to my position and then they promptly dirrected mme, to you. They gave me your contact info and told me that you would be the best go-to person for advice and services for a blind single parent." Mom had a good laugh after that and to this day loves to tell the story. So, if you have any concerns or worries please feel free to contact me or my mother if you are truly worried that someone will try to take your baby away from you. One thing though, even my mother decided to be very careful and have a lawyer work up a doccument stating who could and could not have access to the baby at the hospital before she got it home, so that no one, the grandparents, an outside agency, or an overly zellous hospital employee could start trouble. This might be helpful for you also. It's a little paranoid, but do you want to take any chances in your current situation? I wouldn't. My email address should be in my profile and my mother's should be in her's under the send an email link. Her user name on the zone is LightHouse. Good luck and again, if we can help in any way, don't hesitate to ask.
Hi there. I had my son in August. I got lucky and found a really good obgyn. Her daughter was deaf, so she didn't discriminate at all. Whenever I delivered she wasn't in town though, was 3 weeks early. The obgyn on call though didn't give me any trouble either. The problem arose whenever the pediatrician on call came in and asked if we wanted him circumsized or anything. I didn't let the nursrey keep him either. I kept him in my room and did everything myself from the very beginning. The nursery people just came down and got him whenever he had to have some tests ran to make sure he was ok. They didn't hassle me about that until the night staff came on and some old lady thought that blind people can't take care of a baby and told me I'd have to send him down there and I had one of the other nursers explain to her that I had him all day and was doing everything. Wouldn't let those nurses do anything for me. Then the next day I was getting ready to go home and the phone rang. My husband answered it and played it cool. Hung up and said "that was social services. They are sending a nurse out to the house tomorrow to check on things." Well the nurse called me the next day to make sure we were home and she could come out. She said that the pediatrician's office is the one that called social services. So I guess this foreign doc thought we are blind and can't take care of our son.
Alot of people aren't going to agree with this, but so be it. The only way to get rid of these social services people, is to play their game. The more you hide, argue, refuse stuff that turns them on! They love that stuff and they will fight harder and believe me, they have a lot more power than you do. If my husband would have gotten rude with them on the phone and refused to cooperate then I'm sure they would ahve told the hospital to find a reason that we couldn't leave yet and get a worker in there to check on us. But he told them sure no problem. The nurse just came and checked his weight and heart and stuff and asked if I needed any help making up the formula or anything. I told her I was fine and she came 2 times a week for 6 weeks to make sure he was gaining weight. Now if he hadn't have gained weight and stuff then they would have had their reason to take him I guess. After six weeks she discharged me and haven't heard a word from them since. Isaiah is now 5 months old. And the pediatrician has a new opinion.
the first appointment at 2 weeks he asked who helped me or who took care of him and I answered him that I did and no one helps me other than my husband. Now that he sees that I have the healthiest baby out there and I'm not hurting him, he totally doesn't think that way anymore. He's all cool now. i think he was just, well he wasn't mean, he just didn't know. He's probably never had a blind parent in his office. Now I've informed him without being rude.
Just my advice and story.
Good for you and your husband, and of course Isaiah!
The main key is to be careful, vigilant and informed. Make your obgyn and your nurses, all of them aware of your needs and your dirrectives.That is, if you want the baby to be kept in your hospital room, casually mention that and discuss it ahead of time with your obgyn. If you want to brestfeed, make sure that the nursing staff knows not to give the baby a bottle. etc If you are assertive, not agressive, but assertive from the beginning things will go much easier in the long run.
GOD DAMN IT!!! How is it that a system set up to protect children can have so many shortcomings and be so fucking stupid that they claim that disabled parents are unfit just because of their disabilities while failing to do something about cases of real danger with nondisabled parents that are right under their fucking noses!!!! My calling in life is to be a social worker, but I'm almost ashamed to admit it because of how often the system fails and discriminates! That's all right, I'm gonna revolutionize the fuck out of it! And social worker or not, let them TRY! to take my future kids away from me!! Initially, I would be assertive rather than aggressive, but if it looked like my child would be taken from me, I would find it hard to resist going on the run or using physical means to keep my child with me. After all, removal of my child just because of my blindness is unjust, and in my way of thinking, it's kidnap. And you better fuckin' believe, I'll be damned! if I let anyone kidnap my child!
Yes I agree with the previous poster. I wouldn't let them take my child away either and would do anything to keep her with me.
Also, kids that get put in to the system after being taken away from their parents are five times more likely to be abused than they would have been if left with their parents. It is stupid that they take children because their parents are disabled.
I have an 11-month-old daughter now, and I have had some threats of people saying they would call CPS on me, and also my pediatrician thought I needed a home health nurse, but CPS has never actually been called to my apartment or anything, and the baby is healthy, so they can't say anything!
Oh wow! I thought that could happen but wasn't sure! I've heard of single moms that have raised kids on their own and nothing's happened! I guess it's just a matter of knowing where to go and getting familiar with the hospital you're going to be in. And I definitely agree on the classes thing, I will probably do that before my first child if i have one! But wow! I just hope I dont have to go through that! Who would have thought having a child could be so complicating it's almost discouraging! And my aunt was worried at one point that I might end up pregnant because she thinks the court would try to take the child away. But I know that it wouldn't happen unless they had a good reason, such as baby not being cared for, being abused, etc.
I know the presence of abuse/neglect has to be proven in a case where the child would be taken, but wouldn't there also have to be proof that the parent had a mental condition? just curious ...
Well, you would think and hope so. The problem is that many people, in their ignorance, automatically assume that a person with a physical disability is mentally incompetent as well.
Becky
Well i look at it this way, if god has given us women the right to bear fruit as the bible calls it, and we're perfectly capable of raising another human disabled or not, why can't we have a baby. The thing is women are made to give birth, and their's no way around it. i wouldn't let the simple fact that their are closed minded people discourage me from having kids, i have a four year old daughter, and i do fine. We should be allowed to enjoy our children, we went through all the stuff we had to in order to have them, so people should give us that right.
Hi there, I'm going to offer you my advice.
I'm austensively an attachment parent, or I believe in that parenting style. This means that I co-sleep--the baby does not sleep in it's own bed. I breastfeed only, unless there is a severe health reason why I should not. I'm anti-vaccinations. And, I'm many other tings that peaditricians, nurses, and other hospital staff will refuse to accept. I have no children yet, but I'm really planning on it. And, based on all my research, all the reading, and the knowledge I've gathered, I'd strongly advise you to do the following.
1. Go to every pediatrician in your town, interview him, and see if he is friendly to your viewpoints/parenting style. If he opposes so much as a little, move onto the next. The last thing you want is a doctor that does not support or believe in you or your way of thinking.
2. Never, and I mean never, ever sign any papers that they give you, as they may contain tricky language that could put your parental rights at risk later. Tell them that you will take them to your lawyer, have him go over them with you, and you'll bring them back signed should you see fit. Remember, you have informed consent, and there is the patient bill of rights, so you are not entitled to sign anything you do not want to, no matter how much they try to intimmidate you.
3. Have everything, I mean all of your plans, drawn up with a lawyer before the birth. I'd do this even before being pregnant so you are not stressed out during pregnancy, which could cause harm to the baby. Have all of your requests, your needs, and desires written up so nobody can oppose you.
4. I urge you to visit www.fightcps.com This site is an excelent resource to help you learn about CPS and how you can win against them. I post there off and on. I go by Reina, which is my first name, on the site. Take advantage of all the resources.
5. Get the NFB on your side--NOW!!!!!!!!!!! I mean, do it now!!!!!!!!!!!!! Let them know our plans so they can back you in case you should have trouble.
I'd also suggest you going to a different doctor and hospital. The fact that they'd check up on you because you are disabled is crap and discrimination. It should not happen at all. They have no right to do that.
Feel free to email me if you have any further questions. I've extremely well read and feel I can point you in the right direction.
Oh, one more thing I forgot to tell you.
I have a friend who had the same problem. Social services was called due to her being blind. Needless to say, they came over, and what she did really charmed them. She fixed them a meal, had them sit down, and sent them home with more food. They were impressed and never came back. Her case was closed. Also, another thing she did was because she knew when the appointment was, she had many other friends come over for her support. Having others invited over also tends to work wonders. I guess it makes them feel outnumbered? I don't know, but there appears to be magic in that. You'll need to have more than you and your spouse. Have like four other friends or family members. My friend has no family, so her other friends came to support her.
I hope that I've helped you out.
Very, very good advice. Thank you so much. My mind is a bit more at ease now that I have more knowledge of how I can fight this, should I ever need to.
Namaste,
Becky
What about adopting, If I wanted to adopt, how could I with out dilling with so much ishues? I Can't have kids.
Yes, I'd like to know that as well, as I plan to adopt along with having my own.
Becky
FYI, there is a podcast on blind cool tech. It's very informative and talks about how to get around the obstacles of unwanted intervention by CPS.
I don't have any advice really to add, I don't want no babies just yet. However I'd like to adopt as well as have a child or two eventually, I'd be interested to know how adoption works with a blind parent.
I just wanted to say, that I can understand why a hospital would want to check on a disabled person. I mean, they just want to make sure you can do it. I say this, because I think someone was viamently against it in an earlier post. Yes it's annoying but I feel secure knowing that people check just to see that a parent is capable. I think I would die if someone tried to take my future child away.
Good advice all on social service handeling. Just be open and honest, firm yet polite and you'll be fine.
If they're gonna check blind peoples' families after they had a baby, they should check parents that are mildly retarded, have chronic illnesses, are mentally ill. It shouldn't just be for physically disabled people. Better yet, chcak everybody and make sure they're capable of taking care of a child! There should be more equal footing. If you're gonna be neurotic over a blind mom taking home a new infant, you should be just as leery if not more so of a bipolar mom taking home a new infant.
HauntedReverie, it is completely unreasonable for the hospital to check up on her just because she's blind, when this is not polocy across the board for all new parents. Adoption is very tricky and expensive for sighted parents and even more difficult for blind parents. Our family friend, no lie, actually had to get Mother Taresa, the Mother Taresa to help her get a baby from India and it was still quite difficult for her to get a little 5 year old girl just because she was blind.
That's ridiculous. I wonder, for any Canadians on here, I've heard that blind people aren't even allowed to adopt there. Is that fact?
Hey all,
I have a 23 month old son. DCFS was called on me they came out and closed the case. It was no need what so ever to come out here. I c no marks or scars so u r all good. I am a single parrent, have my own place and doin it on my own. To all the other blind parents out here, yall can do it and stay strong!! my moddo is "im grown enough to lay down without the guy using protection then im grown enough to take care of my respondsibilities!!" Ok, we all can have sex, so y cant we all take care of a kid? Evidently if we can "GET IT IN!" THEN WE SHOULD B ABLE 2 TAKE CARE OF A CHILD.
In Texas not sure on other states, if someone files a false CPS claim against you and it ends up going to court and being proven false that person can get fined up to 500 dollars. Also where there are multiple complaints that are meant to harass it's considered a felany. The DA's office in Texas will investagate false CPS claims.
I've had 2 direct cps investagations durring my divorce, those of you who know the hole story can probably figure that out. One was just a phone interview and the other I was visited.
The investagator was real nice and we talked for about 45 minutes. He told me he would push to have my case closed because there was no basis for the charges.
Becky,
This is just what I herd from the blind parents list, I haven't researched it yet but CPS actually has some rule that they can take a child from a disabled parent with out any reason.
Also the social worker who came to visit me said that about 40% of there cases are just people trying to get back at one another. That is sad really because I am sure there are cases that really do need there at tension.
One other person said that when they were visited they had friends there with them as well. I did as well. I had one personal friend and my lawyers paralegal.
Cover your bases and protect yourself.
I was the one who did that podcast. I feel like it is important to help as much as i can. the system stinks, and they do not need to be messing with us. And where does it say that they can take a childd from a disabled parent without reason? i'd like to see that, so I could cover it in my next podcast that I'm putting together on the subject.
Personally, if it were me, I'd have the child in my home with a midwife not in a hospital. this is true for many reasons, from being able to birth while squatting in water to it just feeling better all around and me usually not preferring alopathic doctors. But if what you're saying is true, it's an even stronger motive to do so. To AngelKisses, I've never heard of staying in a hospital when you have the baby. I thought you just have it and go home soon afterword. It's truly sad how society's turned normal home things into outside ones. Anyway, circumcisian! If a doctor of any kind ever did that to my son Gods help him. I'm also not too sure how nicely I'd take to someone "checking up" on me if I knew that they didn't do it with other parents. If they're gonna do that for me, then do it for the other mothers, particularly the junkies, wellfare types (not those who truly need it but you know the kind), the young parents, immigrants... the list goes on and on. All that said, I consider the safety and well-being of a child to be paramount. So if I did feel that I needed help or if the worker was actually decent and civil, I might not mind the visit, so long as they didn't cause me any bullshit. I'd rather an honest worker do his/her job and see that the child was okay than for a bad parent, or one who truly couldn't cope with taking care of the child but who didn't know what to do, to not be checked. As for me, I don't believe in alot of these vaxinations until the child's blood is fully tested to insure no harm will be done, and I'm not gonna give him/her a bottle or let him/her get pumped up full of drugs. So if they object to that, they've got big issues. Huge hugs to Inu-Princess2006 for post 6. Right along with you there. For those of you who go the naturopathic/alternative medicine route, did you have any problems with your doctors or midwives? Excellent advice Geek Woman. to end, let me put a tiny spin on this. If someone young, say 25, who'd never had a child, wanted to have sterrilisation surgery was having problems with them excepting her wishes, could she do it on the grounds of blindness? I mean, use society's scewed views in her favour to get what she wanted? Same for guys too btw.
Tiffanitsa, I'm going to go the same route. i will not have hospital births.
To Tiffanitsa and all who do not wish to vaccinate, and I do not believe in them either, you'll want to check out www.vaclib.org It is a wonderful site. They tell you what vaccines really are, and you hear a lot from renoun medical professionals. There are a lot of resources that will help you get out of giving your child vaccines. There are forms on the site that you can use as well. Also, they will fight for you if you need them to.
I'm an Aspie, and I believe that the stupid vaccines made me that way. Because of the vaccines, I will forever need therapy, though, I don't always go but go when I feel like I need it, and I can't do things normally all the time because of major sensory issues/eversions to certain things. And yes being an Aspie is sometimes problematic because people misunderstand me, and I get sick and tired of having to explain to people why I do things a certain way. Thankfully, everyone who knows me just accepts me, and those who do not either do or just get lost. I do not get vaccines now, though. i'm so outdated it is not funny, but heck with that because it is not worth putting junk into my body. If I step on a nail, I just pray to God I do not get an infection. I will not get a tetnis shot.
When i went to the ER back in April due to dehydration, the nurse asked me if I was updated on my vaccinations. I just flatly said, "I don't believe in Vaccines, and no, I'm not updated. As a matter of fact, I'm far out of date." She just said okay and left. Ha! There are so many i need but I will not get them.
but you can't always plan ahead. A situation might come up where the midwife might recommend you go to the hospital. I'd like to use a midwife one day, but really, it's best to go in to pregnancy with an open mind to the possibility of something happening, as much as you don't like to think about it. Things can go wrong; that's part of life. I've said it before, and I'll say it again. Labor is unpredictable.
Yes, some hospitals require that you stay at least twenty-four hours. It's important to speak to the obstetrician gynocologist during your pregnancy and arrange all the details, like whether or not you want to keep the baby in the room with you, etc.
to those who were asking about blind parrents adopting, it's really no different from sighted parrents adopting. we havent had any issues yet, although we're not done. it really depends on weather it's a pryvet adoption or public adoption. we are going threw a pryvet adoption so there's not alot i can offer on adoption agencies or any thing like that. i can say this, go with it. if they asked you to do something, do it. don't put up a fight. play by the rules and do what they say. adoption is verry emotional, expincive and time consuming. make sure you have a damn good lawyer who understands you and blind parrenting. make sure if it is a pryvet adoption that the parrents are in agreement. luckily, the mother has already signed her rights over to us. just make sure you know what and who your dealing with , and enjoy your baby.